Jaded
by HellionKyou
Summary: Rogue gehts tired of her life, and tries ways ta kill her self, but every time there is a certain cajun who foiles her plans.Romy later on, but not in the first few chapters. hints of Kurtty.
1. Chapter1:Dear journal, Ah just wanna die

**Jaded**

**I do not own X-men. But thoughs of ya that kno meh as Grim Goddess, I plan on changing it to Grym Goddess, ha there is a slight difference.This fic is most deffintally gonna beh a ROMY, mebe some slight hints of KURTTY, but i'll neva tell.**

**Summery: Rogue gehts tired of her life, and tries ways ta kill her self, but every time there is a certain cajun who foiles her plans.**

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**Chapter one: Dear journal, Ah just wanna die.**

Dear Journal,

They say , if ya kill yerself ya will go to hell, without a judgement or a trial when ya die. But Ah already live in hell, Im a mutant, and if thyat isnt as bad as it sounds, Ah'm a mutant that cant have any physical (skin to skin) contact with anyone, for the rest of mah cursed life. Ah'd rather burn in the depths of holy hell then live on this earth anylonger. Ah've been thinkin' If Ah killed mah self, how would Ah do it, and would it hurt much. Ah don wanna lash out, ah don want there "tring help" andy long. Ah'm tired of them and this place, ah am tired of life and Ah'm tired of meh. Ah hate the way, thyat even though mah "friends" are mutants they have powers they can at least live with. The worst part is thyat, Ah know and they know ah cant have skin to skin contact, there is one moron, who cant quite geht it through his head. Remy LeBeau, Ah'v known him fer a long while and now, and Ah actually thought he understood meh, but Ah was wrong, the only thing e wnats isa piece of ass, and or to play with a girls head and mahke them to believe they are special and loved. He is a player, a womanizer, and Ah hate him. But most Ah hate mahself, because Ah actually thought he loved meh. And Ah actually fell in love with him. He is a bastard, and ah hate him. Ah wish ahw ould of never met him.

but back to the part on meh "killing" mahself. Ah thought about mahkin' it look lihke an accsident, lihke gehtin' killed in battle, but mah "friends" would just seek revenge. and ah don't want anyone having to worry fer meh anylonger. So thyat was not an option. I thought about slipping my wrists, but it was to slow, if ah leaped off the balacony then someone lihke Kitty, or mah brothah would fihnd mah body. If Ah hung mahself, someone younge and pure would stumble upon mah body. ah don't want a person Ah "love" ta see meh lihke thyat. ODin' is a possible option.

but anyways journal, ah say goodnight, maybe Ah'll die in mah sleep, and smile sweetly at thoughs who weep.

Dear journal, ah just wanna die.

Ok it was short I know, but good things sometihmes start out as short. Ok so what do ya guys want, do ya want her to actually die or live, (meaning closer to the end of the fic) Ideas would beh nice, I know thyat some of you guys out there have a mind(lihke mihne) thyat is demented. Ok Please R&R but no Flames.

Grym Goddess.


	2. Chapter 2: OD

**Jaded**

**Don own. So how didja lihke chapter one?. Well RnR and no flames. Oh and so I don fergeht I don' own "Only happy when it rains" By:Garbage**

**Summery:Rogue tahkes her plan into action**

**Chapter two: OD**

Ah knew mah day sucked when Ah opened mah eyes, ah saw thyat ah wasnt burning, or where angels sing. Ah was still alive. Ah pulled mah feet over the bed and stood up, it was beautiful outside, there was laughter all around, but still nothing phased meh. It just made meh wanna die. Ah got dressed, all in black ah didnt put on make-up ah didnt see what the point was, if ah was gonna die, who'd ah have ta impress, but the devil himself.

Ah walked down to the kitchen, hopeing ah'd beh alone. But as soon as ah stepped foot in there, ah was welcomed by a person who ah wish would go jump off a cliff.

"Bonjour mon chere" Ah can see right through that sweet voice cajun, you cant phase meh nor can ya change meh. Ah look past him, ah don' ive him the pleasure of eye contact. But as usual he sneaks over and puts his arms around meh. "Leht meh go!"Ah snap harshly.

"Ah chere don' be like dat ta Remy, e' jus' wants ta hol' y' is all" He speaks words only a fool would believe or a whore who wants ta geht banged by a stupid cajun, and then left.

"LET MEH GO YA STUPID CAJUN!" Ah scream, and push him away from meh. His eyes sadend.

"Come on cher,don' be like dis"

"PISS OFF CAJUN!" Ah stare at him with such hate. Ah hate what he says, ah hate that he still mahkes meh feel so good but yet so dirty, ah hate the way he is, and ah hate the fact thyat ah leht mahself fall in love with someone lihke him.

"Ah hate ya Remy LeBeau, ah hate ya!" Yet he didnt, ahd ont think he believed meh. He tried once more to hold meh. But by then everything went blank. ah have no idea what happened. But when ah woke up, there was some bloodon the floor and it was not mihne. And there was Gambit, flat on his stomach. Ah crawled over ta mahke sure ah didn' kill him, and ta see if he was ok. placing mah fingers ta check his pulse. He was alive, but before he would start to wake up ah got up and left the kitchen. Ah began ta wahlk upstairs, as ah began ta feel faint, ah had an idea ta pull out a razor blade and slit mah wrists, thinkin' if ah passed out ah'd die. So ah slit mah wrists and only in a matter of seconds since ah was already about to faint, ah passed out on the stairs. Seemed lihke ages before ah awoke, ah thought ah was dead till ah saw a familiar but putred face looking down at meh.

"Am ah in hell?"Ah asked all groggy lihke.

"Non"the voice answered."But Remy must be in heaven ta geht ta see yer beautiful eyes again"

Ah looked away and looked at mah wrists, they ere bandaged."Who did this?" Ah asked.

"When Remy woke up e' found y' on de stairs all covered in blood, so bein' freaked out and worried e' took y' ta de med lab, and Hank patched y' right up" He explained, ah started ta cry, ah didnt want this, ah wanted ta die. Ah wanted ta beh dead, why do they care they should of just leht m eh die.

"Chere?"

"...Ya should of jus' leht meh die"

"What?"

"Didja eva think, thyat maybe, just maybe ah didnt wanna live. Ya should of let meh die where ah was at" Ah said as cold as ah could, glancing over at his eyes, his sadness was surprsing ta meh, he looked as though he was gonna cry.

"Fer as long as I live I will do every ting in mon power ta keep y' from dieing"

Ah wanted ta know so bad why he cared."Why do ya even care about meh?" So ah asked.

He smiled."Because I love ya, mon chere" He looked away, it hurt mah heart ta look into his angelic demon eyes.

"The feeling isnt the same" Lieing hurt worse, but oh well.

Ah closed mah eyes and ignored the other voices around meh, even in mah head.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

2 Days later after they let meh outa the medical lab. Ah was constanally bein' "checked "on. Mr.McCoy had the thought ah was trin' ta kill mahself but without actual proof he couldn't do anythingabout it. And since the professor cant geht inside mah head, unless ah leht him, they cant exactly stop meh from mah destination, just prevent it for awahile.

Fer two days sraight ah have wohkin up with people looking down at meh. Remy has been edgy around meh, ah guess he thinks he is the cause, fer things. Well what ever his mental case is this tihme ah am jus' glad he is leavin meh the hell alone.

When monday came back around, a few people knew what was goin ' on, but they just kept to them selves. Ah new Kitty, Kurt and ms. perfect (Jean) knew ah tried ta kill mah self, or else why would there beh slits on both mah wrists, everyone else was just obviously stupid.

Afatah school is was pooring down rain, some people went and played it, ran to their cars, or stayed inside. Ah was the one wahlking it. And then ah began ta think, ah have always heard of OD ob medication killing people, b ut ah never actually did it before. Ah mean ah have no idea what it will exactly do. So ah reached in mah bah and pulled out eight 800mg of Ibuprofen. Tahking them one at a tihme, ah new it would do aloht of damage ta mah insides. Aftah about an hour ah began ta feel really sick, just about the tihme ah ran into Gambit.

"Bonjour chere" He said, it was raining and everything began to spin, i threw up on his shoes before falling to the gound.

with one last thing before ah passed out ah said." Ah'm only happy when it rains, maybe now ah'll finally die..."

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**I'm only happy when it's complicated**_

_**And though I know you can't appreciate it**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**You know I love it when the news is bad**_

_**And why it feels so good to feel so sad**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me**_

_**Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**I feel good when things are going wrong**_

_**I only listen to the sad, sad songs**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**I only smile in the dark**_

_**My only comfort is the night gone black**_

_**I didn't accidentally tell you that**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**You'll get the message by the time I'm through**_

_**When I complain about me and you**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**Pour your misery down, Pour your misery down**_

_**Pour your misery down on me Pour your misery down**_

_**Pour your misery down Pour your misery down**_

_**Pour your misery down on me Pour your misery down**_

_**Pour your misery down Pour your misery down**_

_**Pour your misery down on me Pour your misery down**_

_**Pour your misery down**_

_**You can keep me company**_

_**As long as you don't care**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**You wanna hear about my new obsession?**_

_**I'm riding high upon a deep depression**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**Pour some misery down on me**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**Pour some misery down on me**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**Pour some misery down on me**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**Pour some misery down on me**_

_**I'm only happy when it rains**_

_**Pour some misery down on me ...**_

**Yup end of chapter two, dunno but didnt seem thyat good ta meh, but ya beh the judge of thyat. RnR but no flameing. Im tired so I shall go ta bed. TTFN(ta ta fer now)**

**Grym Goddess**


	3. Chapter 3:Journal

**Jaded**

**I don' own X-men.**

**How is it so far?. Thanx fer the reviews, and to the person who said it was morbid, thank you. .**

**Im eating pizza thyat tastes lihke chili , now is thyat even right?.**

**I also don own "Beautiful" By Scarling.**

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxx**

**"You say you love me **

**but you dont.**

**You say you'll free me**

**but you wont.**

**You say you need me**

**But thats a lie.**

**You say you'll miss me**

**when time passes by.**

**You say you'll never fergeht me**

**but in time, you will**

**you all will all see.**

**That I am nothing but **

**your midnight delusion**

**of a made up illusion." **

**Chapter two: The journal**

Mah body ached and ah couldn't really move, ah slowly opened mah eyes, to see nothing but bright lights. Mah stomach hurt, and ah couldn't really remember what had happened. Ah wasn't dead, ah new thyat. Ah also know it was thyat stupid cajun who saved meh. Does he lihke ta see meh in such pain, God ah hayte him soo much. Ah then felt tears running down mah face. Ah began to hear voices, but they weren't clear, and then ah saw blurry figures stand around meh. One was big and blue so ah new thyat was Hank, one was kinda short and bald, so ah deffinally new thyat was the professor. another one ah new was Remy, and the last one Was Logan. Although bein so blurry ah could tell the y wern't vury happy. So ah closed mah eyes hopeing they would go away when ah opened them again.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

**Kitty's pov**

I like, ran across Rogues journal the other day. At first I wasnt gonna read it, because like, I don't like to invade on peoples personal thoughts. But when the insident with Rogue's wrists came up, and She has been acting really weird, I decided to like, read it. In the front was just pictures and some depressing poems, till I like, got in the middle, there was one part that like, said."Dear journal, Ah just wanna die", at first I was like oh my God, I have ta tell someone, but I didn't. Rogue is my bestfriend, but if I told on her, she would never talk to me again or like, trust me. But on the other hand if something bad was going to happen to her, I should inform the professor and Mr. Logan. And if Remy new it would tear him apart. Everyone would just like, be freaking out. But like, now, since Rogue "accsidentally" OD, I have no idea what to do. I wanna tell someone!. I don't want my bestfriend to die. I also don't want to have her suicide on my head.

I stared at her through the glass, thinking why would any one want to like, kill themselves. I know her life has been rought, but thats no excuse to kill yourself. I closed my eyes and looked away. I wanted to tell them so bad, but I couldnt. Maybe there was another explanation to what was going on with her. I dont want to accuse someone for something unless I like, have more proof to it, and people like, all the time write depressing things like that, right?.

"Keety" Kurts sweet voice called to me.

"Yeah..?"

"Are you ok?" He asked looking me stright in the eyes.

I couldn't help but smile, he had such sweet eyes, and a kind smile.

"Truth?"

"Of course"

"Then no, but what do you like ecspect, your probably just as sad too" I said, He of all people should know as well, but I like, refuse to be "Kitty the snitch" I respect my friends, thats why I like, have no idea what to do.

"Hey Kurt.."I started off.

"Ja"

"Can I like, talk to you up in my room?" He nodded and we teleported there.

He sat on my bed while i paced around.

"Keety..?"

"If you like, new someone was in trouble would you like, tell someone, even if you didnt have the exact proof and wasnt for sure, but was like, total and complelty freaked out that you like, might lose your bestfriend?"

Kurt loked quite confused at me. "If eet was about a friend, hmm. If I knew one of mein friends was in trouble and about to get hurt, I would in confide in someone, but vhy, vas is zis about?"

He breathed in. And then went over to Rogues bed and pulled out her journal. I handed it over.

"Vas zis?"

"Its her journal."I like, said and then turned the pages to the middle.

He read quickly.

"I like, found it a couple days ago"

He looked up when he was done."You...ve have to tell ze professor"

He took my hand and teleported to the library, where the professor was reading.

"Kurt, Kitty."

"Professor, we like, have something to show you" I said handing him the journal, and turning to the page that like, says "Dear journal, Ah just wanna die"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxxXxXxXxxXXxxxxxxXXXXxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxXXxxx

Ok that was it fer chapter three. So RnR and no flames please. And please leave meh some ideas thyat I can add in the fic. Also if ya can think of any creepy or different ways of suicide please do tell meh.

Grym Goddess.


	4. Chapter 4:Water

**Jaded**

**I dont own X-men. Thanks for the reviews. And some people in real live situations when they find out that their best friend or what ever is in that situation they get confused and have no idea what to do, it kinda feels like betraying a friend. But thats just in some cases. **

**Grym Goddess**

**Hey guys please give meh some ideas, anything.**

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**Chapter Four:Water.**

After ah got out of the med lab, ah found out thyat Kitty, found mah journal and gave it ta the professah, some friend ey. Aftah thyat ah was talked to by the professah and Logan. Wich still is not even close to changing mah mind. its jus' wantin' meh ta escape faster. So thyat night, ah was searchin on the net for more ways to berid mah self, and at this point ah don care who the hell fihnds meh ah jus want out. So ah snuck into the bath room locked the door filled the bathtub with ice cold water, and get in. Ah went under water, closed mah eyes and started to count backwards from a hundred. Ah got to 90, when ah was pulled out and wrapped up quickly, Ah opened mah eyes, and swear ah saw the devil himself. And at thyat moment ah so wished it was the devil himself. Instead it was Remy and his two demon followers, kutt and Kitty.

Alls ah had on was a sports bra and underware with flames. And before ah new it ah was shuved in mah room. Ah threw dry cloths over mah wet ones and sat down.

"Rogue, why do you like, wanna kill yourself?"

"Ah have no idea what yer tahlkin about" Ah turned mah head.

"Chere, y' can tell us, we care f' y' is all"

"Yeah well thanks for the nice words, now leave meh alone!"

"Rogue, please talk to us"

Ah fihnd no use tahlkin' ta either of ya, but ah will say one thing. Y'all would beh happier if ah was gone, so don' give meh the shit ya care, because ah don care anymore, ah don care about life ah don care about anyone, and ahll fihnd away ta escape and noone will fihnd meh" Ah said to much, but ah didn' care ah'd beh gone soon anyways so what does it matta.

"Life does matter, and you matter to all of us, we love you, Rogue." Kitty cried.

"Rogue talk to us, vhy do you vanna kill yourself?" Kurt asked calmly tring to stay strong for Kitty.

"Ya read mah journal obviously, so don't ask meh questions ya already know"

"Im like, sorry, but I like had too. And no, we like, dunno, so tell us why do you want to do this, there has to be a ultimate reason, please Rogue tell us?"

"It's none of your concern" Ah turned mah head and looked away. " Now if ya would please geht outa here, ah wanna beh alone, and don' worry ah won do nothin, tanight, ya have mah word" Ah said.

"Remy isn't leavin', Remy is stayin right here"

"And this as much as your room as it mine

"So zhats settled ve vill have a sleep over"Kurt smiled. "Ill go get ze sleeping bags, because zhere is noway in hell your touching mein sister, cajun"

Ah should of shot mahself in the head. Then this nightmare would beh over with, not only is the man thyat ah hate/ love is bothering meh he is going ta stay in mah room. But being the freak ah am ah cant touch him, mah friends and him are so stupid they cant figure out whats wrong with meh. Its sad really, but its bettah this way, much bettah. People are bettah off not knowing then knowing.

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Short I know but iI need some ideas b/c I am runnin out on ideas, so please help meh out.

Grym Goddess


	5. Chapter 5:Silent Gunshot

**Jaded**

**Hahah,I write once again lol. I don't own X-men. but i think this is going to be me last chappter. So yea.**

**Grym Goddess.**

**Nor do I won "Tell Me" its by Ra.**

**EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeVvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiLllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeVVVVVVVvvvvvIIIIlLLLLLLLLL**

**Chapter five:Silent gunshot**

Its funny how people say that can'tlive without their friends, and that they will surley die if their loved one is far from them. But ah don't have a lover and mah friends are just thyat friends and unfortaually ah am still alive. Ah'm tired, even more tierd then ah was. Ah just wnat out of this dreadful life, there is nothin' here thyat could ever change mah mihnd. Name one thing, just one thing and ah'll consider it...nothing.

Being watched by mah friends and thyat stupid cajun, it was very hard to do anything without them noticing.

It was raining, and ah thought it would always beh nice to die in the rain, where yer blood gehts washed away and there is nothin' left but a meaninless body.

So while it was raining hard outside, ah reached under mah pillow and grabbed something not even the professor knows ah have. Ah walked out of the mansion , and as far as ah could so thyat they couldn't hear the shot. I stood in an empty alley way and held a loaded it to mah temple. This was it, no turning back. No saying ah changed mah mihnd. This was it the end of mah demise. Farewell to mah aweful meaninless life. Farewell to the X-men and Farewell to The Rogue.

"Rogue" ah heard a voice. I pulled the gun down.

"What...what are y' doin'?"Ah new thyat voice, it was the cajuns.

"Ah'm doing ya all a favor, y'all are bettah off without meh and ya know it"

"No Rogue, y' are one of de tings dat keeps us going"

"Stop lieing"

"Im not, do y' honestly tink y' are noting, For what eva possessed y' ta tink of such, is wrong"

"SHUT UP, ya know nothin'!"

"Rogue, give moi de gun"

"No, ah'm gonna do this"

"De one ting, thyat I know Rogue is dat our stronger den dis, I know y' can defeat whats tellin' ya yer not wort it and we're betta off, because de truth is, we're betta off wit y'. If y' kill yer self yer setting a bad example and prooving a point for the humans dat hate us. Yer stonge and I know y' can defeat dis, please Rogue"

"Why do ya care"

"Because de only reason I am an X-men is ta be near y'"

"what eva"ah pulled the gun back up to mah head and was about to pull the trigger." Rogue is yer just doing dis to escape from yer powers and de fact that y' can't touch, den yer not escaping yer running away. At least in de future dere will be a way to get around yer powers, but if y' do dis now den oters like y' will be jus' like y', make a change and don't do dis , please" Tears pouring from his angelic demon eyes.

n violation of a thought a long, long time ago,

Impressive reasons fill the cabins of my mind,

No celebrations for the peoples that I didn't know

Convicted even though there's nothing left to find,

_**It's more than I can say,**_

_**And there's a deeper part of me,**_

_**Won't you be my inspiration?**_

_**Help me end my desperation, now!**_

_**Tell me what it is I'm meant to do.**_

_**I've fallen to my knees,**_

_**I've shed away my tears,**_

_**And lost my destiny.**_

_**I sit beneath the sun,**_

_**My hands held to the sky.**_

_**I cannot ask a question,**_

_**But still I wonder why!**_

Ah shut mah eyes and pulled the trigger hearing, nothing...

So ah wasn't dead. I pulled the trigger, but It didn't go off. And for thyat moment ah was happy. Ah opened mah eyes. and dropped the fun. ah looked him in the eyes. " Ah know"

Even though mah life still hurts and seeing people act with emotions, and ah having to conceal it, ah do know one thing. Thyat ah am the futurem for others lihke meh. And if not care about anything ah know oneday everything will be different, and then ah will at peace.

_**Poetic Justice never seems to make the world feel right,**_

_**Chaotic voices in the darkness call your name**_

_**You turn away from me, whenever I remind you of the day,**_

_**The sun saw through the lies exposing all the pain**_

_**It's more than I can say,**_

_**There's a deeper part of me,**_

_**Won't you be my inspiration?**_

_**Help me end my desperation, now!**_

_**Tell me what it is I'm meant to do.**_

_**I've fallen to my knees,**_

_**I've shed away my tears,**_

_**And lost my destiny.**_

_**I sit beneath the sun,**_

_**My hands held to the sky.**_

_**I cannot ask a question,**_

_**But still I wonder why!**_

_**There's so much pain,**_

_**There's so much war,**_

_**There's so much hurt,**_

_**I can take no more,**_

_**Won't you come and take me,**_

_**To another day, yea**_

_**Take me far away!**_

_**Tell me what it is I'm meant to do.**_

_**I've fallen to my knees,**_

_**I've shed away my tears,**_

_**And lost my destiny.**_

_**I sit beneath the sun,**_

_**My hands held to the sky.**_

_**I cannot ask a question,**_

_**But still I wonder why!**_

**JADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADEDJADED**

**So tyats it. hope ya enjoyed it. well RnR No FLAMES.**

**Grym Goddess**


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